27 Weeks Yesterday and a Family Update.....

So, here I am only 6 days away from the third trimester...I can hardly believe it! This baby has been SO active the past few days and the kicks/movements are getting stronger. I am loving every second of it!

I saw my doctor on Monday, as usual after my ultrasound and on a bad note, I am now dilated to the stitch. However on the good note, I have the stitch! Right now all that is keeping this baby inside is this amazing stitch that was placed at 12 weeks 2 days. I do have about 1cm of cervix left BELOW the stitch and so far the stitch is still closed tightly. I will not be having anymore trans vaginal ultrasounds (TVUs), but instead will be checked manually by the doctor as there is no point in doing the TVU with no cervix left.

The great thing is, is that I am still home. I am 100% okay with this though as I feel great and I think with having surpassed the 24 week mark by many weeks, my comfort level has just skyrocketed.

As for the two other tests I had done recently, one came back good and one not so good. My three hour gestational diabetes test came back fine which was great....I didn't want to deal with that during the pregnancy at all. As for my EKG that I had two weeks ago, it did come back abnormal. So my doctor had talked to cardiology and they sent me down to have another repeat EKG as well as an echo. To say I was scared is an understatement.

I do not know the exact name of the issue, but it seems that I have an abnormal rhythm of my heart. The cardiologist said that my pacemaker for my heart is not in the usual spot. However, their main concern right now is the shortness of breath that I have been having now for probably the past 6-8 weeks and my heart rate which is higher than it should be. My resting heart rate was 115. So the cardiologist wants me on a medication that will lower my heart rate, but I admit I have not yet started them as I am a bit worried as it will also lower my blood pressure which is already low to begin with. I placed a call yesterday to the nurse practitioner that I saw just so I can ask her about my concern before starting it. Yep, I am a worry wart, but I would rather feel at ease taking the med. Hopefully she will call me back today.

So what is going on with our sweet baby at 27 weeks????

Well, baby weighs about 2 pounds and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

Your baby's reproductive organs are in their proper locations by 27 weeks pregnant. If you're pregnant with a little girl, she is getting ready to be a future mama. Her ovaries now have all the egg-producing follicles that they'll ever make in her life. If you're pregnant with a boy, his testicles have descended into the scrotum. However, for some boy babies, their testes will remain in their pelvic cavity until birth.

And what is going on with our little man?

Well, he is coming to the end of his school year. Just two more weeks and then off for the summer. However I have planned for him to go to four different camps this summer so I am sure he will be happy about that. They are one week each and all have different themes. I figured since he loves school so much that there was no way that he would be able to just hang out here at home for the whole summer. He will have a private contract worker going with him, and I think she is pretty excited too. She has been working with A now for just over a year and she is amazing with him.

We had his birthday party on Sunday.......

A new thing that our little man has started with is a temper. He gets VERY mad and screams. If he is sitting in his wheelchair he also tries to pull on the sides as he screams. My guess is that he has learned this at school as there is a little boy in his class who gets into trouble quite a bit. But who knows, he is also growing as a young boy and I am sure every child goes through stages like this....

He will stop when I tell him that it is enough and that mommy doesn't like it, but it doesn't usually last long. He is using this as well now when he is frustrated and when he wants something specific. The thing is though it is hard to get mad at him because this is also his only way of expressing his feelings. He can't talk and tell us what is wrong or what he wants, so he does this. Some days are definitely worse than others, but we will just continue to tell him that it isn't nice to scream and that we don't like to hear it. The new baby is definitely going to recognize his big brothers voice! hahaha

26 Weeks and STILL Home!!!

Yep, its true. I am home again! Third time in a row....didn't think I would make it back this many times to be honest. And after my appointment yesterday I am surprised that he LET me come home. Hubby was able to come with me, and its nice to have him there once in a while to be there for me and talk to the doctor as well. I had my ultrasound as usual and this one was taking a bit longer than normal. Since I have had about 14 of them I was getting a bit concerned on why she was taking so long to take the measurement of my cervix. Then she said to me "wow, its a good thing that you have a stitch in there." Immediately I started to worry. Why was she saying this? What WAS the measurement? (Of course she wouldn't tell me this).....UGH it was not a fun time for me. And knowing I would have to wait to see doctor for a good while made it even worse.

So off we go to sit upstairs and wait on the doctor. It was actually probably the quickest I have ever gotten in, which was nice for a change! So anyways, my cervix has gone down yet again. I am down to 1.3mm of cervix left. At this gestation, most women (who are in the 90th percentile) have 5.2mm of cervix. Women in the low end (which would be the 10th percentile) have on average 3.6mm. I have 1.1mm less than what a woman in the 10th percentile in the 40th week has.

SOOOOOOOOOO......................

What does this mean exactly?

Well for one, it is very obvious that I have TRUE incompetent cervix.

Two, if I didn't have a stitch in there right now, this baby would already be here...and probably WAY too soon to even have the chance to survive.

Three, I am so thankful for this cerclage!!!!!!!!

Four, each day that we get to STAY pregnant is a HUGE blessing. Making it to 26 weeks today is absolutely amazing and incredible to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The doctor said that we have somehow made it to where we have...bought lots of time, so now he hopes that I can buy at least three more weeks. A baby born at 29 weeks has a 95 percent survival rate and a 95% chance of being healthy.

Of course we hope that we go past the three weeks, but, like I said earlier, every day is a blessing to us. When you have never ever had a full term baby and have only lived the life of the NICU with a 24 weeker and the life of a premature loss, this is the way you think. I realize that it is hard for others to think this way, but again, unless you have been there, you have NO idea.

Hubby and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a baby at term and come home the next day, but in reality this is probably not going to happen. We know this. We have known this from the beginning. We knew this before we even got pregnant. We are feeling very lucky and blessed to get this far. Our reality is probably going to include the NICU, and we accept that. This is all that matters. That WE as the parents accept it and will take it on.

24 Weeks Yesterday and Uncharted Territory Today!!!!!!!!

So yesterday I reached my milestone of 24 weeks!!!!!!!!! It was a nerve racking day as I was seeing my doctor and had my bags all packed and with me as he told me to bring them this time. My cervix has changed every single week and I am happy to say that this is the FIRST time in TEN weeks that there was next to NO change!

The ultrasound tech that I had was GREAT and even went and got Aunty A so she could see the baby. She tried to show us the face but he/she was pushing into the uterine wall. We got to see the little arms, hands, the legs bent up towards his/her chest and the tiny feet. Heart rate was 156. It was INCREDIBLE to see that new life growing inside of me. I just can't wait until the day that I get to see and hold this baby!!!

So what did all this mean??? I am HOME! Yep, because there was next to no change he was okay with sending me home.

I was a bit thrown off at first as I was really expecting to stay, but I told him my fears and thoughts and he told me that anyone who doesn't GET IT is more than welcome to come with me and have a chat with him.

Before I left, I did get my first dose of celestone (steroid) for baby and will be going today to get my second dose. Then I can take another deep breath knowing that baby has the full dose of steroids on board *should* anything happen. However with how great I feel, lets hope not! My next goal is 28 weeks and I am so flippin excited!

I will have another ultrasound on Monday to check size of baby, another cervical measurement and then see doctor again. At least now, if I am admitted I am pretty much prepared.

I will also be doing a gestational diabetes test next week along with a CBC count. I have had issues with breathing the past few weeks off and on so they want to check things out.

So I am home, but I am not doing anything. It is tough, realllllllllly tough for me to sit back and have everyone help around me but I have no choice. The hardest is not doing A's care as I usually do. Its going to take hubby a while to get into the groove of things since he is so used to me doing everything, but he did well last night. He made A's food for the first time which is super exciting for me. It is always nice to have helping hands with things around here. It did take him just over an hour to make the batch, but I told him that over time he will become quicker at it....takes time!

Exciting for me today is the fact that we are officially past my milestone of 24 weeks!! Into uncharted territory now :) Every day that passes I get more and more excited to meet this little one.

23 Weeks!

So here I am. 23 weeks. Feeling absolutely GREAT with the pregnancy. Trying to enjoy the little parts. The baby moving. The kicks. The flips. On a countdown to 24 weeks, only 7 days to go. I was looking forward to this post, was starting to get more comfortable with being pregnant. With making it another week every week. You could maybe even say "enjoying" the pregnancy! Then yesterday happened.

First I had ultrasound. The tech went and got dad and we got to see baby face on. It is incredibly strange to be looking into the eyes of your unborn child, knowing exactly what they look like at that gestation. This sure is one busy baby!!!!

But in upsetting news,

My cervix has once again shortened. This time, the usual optimistic, nonchalant doctor was concerned. It is obvious that things are just slowly continuing to go downhill. Every single week since having my cerclage placed, I have lost length. It has never stayed stable. In their words, "it looks like we are headed down a path we have already travelled." The tears came. Hubby was with me. Probably a good time for him to be at an appointment as I do not think that he 100% "got it". He does now.

The good thing going for us right now is that we have that stitch in place. We just have to hope that this stitch can hold our sweet baby in for as long as possible!

So, next Tuesday, on the day I celebrate turning 24 weeks, I will get my first steroid shot for baby. Second dose will be 24 hours later. I will also be having another ultrasound and seeing the doctor. He told me to bring my bags, so I am most likely being admitted for the rest of the pregnancy. He said I could pretty much count on it. Again, the tears. Hubby was a bit emotional but said "its a good thing". We both know that this is what will be best for baby. I am supposed to be on bed rest here at home, but that just hasn't been working out too well. Being in the hospital will take away the stress of caring for the house and doing things I just shouldn't be.

If any "good news" can come out of this, doctor told us yesterday that baby is HUGE for this gestation. Actually, in the 97th percentile!!! Here is the thing. When I was in labor with A, they estimated him at 455 grams. That is one pound. When he was born, he weighed 710 grams, 1.9lbs. An average 24 weeker, is 600 grams or 1.4lbs.

This baby yesterday, was already measuring at 668 grams!!!! That is 1.7lbs! An average baby at 23 weeks weighs 501 grams or 1.1lbs.

With all of this being said....

First, I am scared. So scared. I know the life of the NICU all too well. I know the daily fears for a baby that is in the NICU.

I am sad. I was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe this would be a wonderful summer waiting for our healthy full term baby to arrive.

I am anxious. I hate not knowing what to expect. I hate this day by day thing.

I am angry. I have already had one micro preemie. One who has grown into an amazing little man, but with so many issues that I wish I could take away. I am angry as well because I had the strength to try again and lost our second little boy. A little one who we were so excited to meet and love.

I am heartbroken.

BUT,

I

BELIEVE.

I have to believe that this baby will be okay. This is the only way for me to keep my sanity and continue this pregnancy day by day. I have to believe that I will get the steroid shots for baby in time (which A never had the chance to get). I have to believe that this hospital bed rest will help me get as far as I can before welcoming this little one into the world.

And like the doctor said, I myself will feel MUCH better being in hospital. I will be right under their noses. There will be no worry/panic about something happening here at home and having a 45 minute ride to get to the place I need to feel calm and safe.

So, we just keep moving on. Praying and believing is all we can do.

A Pretty Big Update

Well, lets start with baby. I saw my team on Thursday, and baby looked great on the ultrasound! Baby is growing well and is very active. I am feeling baby every single day and I just can't get enough! I am also now able to see the kicks from the outside which is really exciting too. Dad has yet to feel any kicks...it seems that baby likes to be still as soon as he places his hand on my belly.

Baby on April 21st

I still have a tiny amount of protein in my urine, but just feeling happy that it hasn't changed into anything more. My cervix however has gone down yet again. And this time by a whole cm. I have to admit that I was very shocked when the nurse told me my measurement. The tears came. It is sooo scary only being just over 20 weeks and knowing that if something was to happen now, nothing can be done. It is also scary because we really are hoping on not doing any NICU time.

So I am now on modified bedrest. I am not allowed to do ANY lifting, which everyone knows how hard that is considering A relies on us for everything. I am not allowed to stand/sit for too long and cannot go for any walks. If I was to lose another 1cm, I will be admitted to hospital. This scares me too, because of A. I know things will work out, but being a mom who worries about her child CONSTANTLY, doing so from a hospital bed 45 minutes away would be much much worse.

Baby April 28th

I remember kind of being iffy about getting the cerclage done at first and just wanting to be followed closely. Now, I am just SO happy I have the cerclage or I would be going absolutely insane. Well, more insane than I already am! hahaha

So, all those prayers and thoughts are truly needed at this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In little man news. He is doing great!!! I place his hand on my tummy alot and tell him that it is the baby. If you ask him now where baby is, he will usually look at my tummy. So cute. He is going to be such a great big brother. One of the things I am most excited for is seeing the two of them together. I also can't wait until A sees his little brother/sister for the first time....I wonder if he will know?

In school, things are still just as fantastic as they have been. He loves every single second he is there. I had a meeting last week with the principal, his teacher and the resource teacher. It was to go over his IEP and discuss plans for next year. I am very happy with the IEP that they have written up for him and even more happy that all three of them agreed with me that the speech therapists ideas for A to say yes/no are absurd and just will not work. I love having people on my side.

I was asked about next year and what I had in mind for A. Of course I said that I was expecting him to go to grade 1 and be there daily. However, all three of them think that A should stay back and do SK again and then move on. The environment of SK is much more relaxed and as well, A didn't get started until pretty much the beginning of November anyways. And even then, that was not even full days. I told them I would be okay with that, but something had to be figured out for him to go all day everyday. So the principal spoke to his supervisor and she agreed that A can do SK over again, but go everyday. This means that he will be in two different classes, but I know he will love it!

Little man also got him brand new AFOs and they are really cool! And these were picked up just in time for his brand new OWN stander!!!!! He was not thrilled at all to be put in it the first night it was brought, but it has been a while since he has used one so we will just have to get him used to it again. Physio was here the following day while I was at my appointment and my mom said that A was so upset with just putting on his AFOs that they didn't even put him in the stander at all. So I got a great picture of him yesterday to show physio next time I see her! hahaha

On Good Friday, we went up to Hilton Falls for a little family hike. We had never been there before so we thought we would check it out. I was a bit iffy about going, but figure that a 4km hike into the falls and back out would not be that bad if we just took our time. A loves his bike trailer and had so much fun on the hike. Mommy however was not feeling too hot by the time we were done. My back was sore and I told J that there would be no more family hikes until we were a family of four!

Easter Sunday we headed to see grandma and grandpa S and the rest of the family for Easter dinner. This was tough for me as well, because it is just so far from my comfort zone. I always feel the need to be close to my team. I did okay though and was happy we went. It was nice to see everyone!!!

Just An Update

Well I am excited to say that yesterdays appointment went really well!!! The ultrasound was the diagnostic one, so it was just over an hour. Of course I had a man that was training, so what was already a long one, was even longer. By the end of it I had a very hard time getting up. I have had so many issues with my back this pregnancy and I know that its only going to get worse!!!

Anyhow, baby looked great!! He/she is VERY busy and was giving the tech a hard time. Every time they would freeze the screen to do measurements and go back, baby had moved. Or would be moving as they were trying to get pictures. Baby was breech most of the time, which meant that it was standing on my cervix A LOT. Hmmm think this could explain some of those quick/sharp pains that I get when I say it feels like it is my stitch?? And to think of how they will feel when baby is bigger....don't even want to!!

All measurements were good and all organs looked great so far as well. Baby is measuring between 17 weeks 4 days and 18 weeks 3 days which is right on. (Actually on the small end, which is just fine by me!)

Cervix also looked great....actually gained .3cm which puts me at 4.3cm.

I still had a bit of protein in my urine, but again, no real cause for concern. My blood pressure was 100/60, which for me is on the low side, but I'll take it!

We are going to stick with our weekly appointments until at least 24 weeks. This is most comfortable for all of us together, but I am sure especially me! I am only two days away from my first milestone, where I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Tomorrow marks the exact gestation that I was when I gave birth to Hunter. And of course my HUGE milestone will be passing 24 weeks!!! We will be in unknown territory then!!!!

I am starting to get super excited, but at the same time I am almost afraid to be too excited. I have a great feeling with this baby, and I just can't wait until the day I get to hold this baby in my arms!!!! I am feeling much more movement lately as well, which is always a nice reassurance. I think baby knows that I needed that this week!

In little man news, he is still doing great! On Monday I got to go to school with him as his nurse was sick. I had always wanted to see what he does all day, so this was a great opportunity! And I have to say that I am VERY impressed! Out of all the kids in his class, I have to say honestly that he seems to pay the most attention. SOOO good to see!

His EA was actually off too with the flu so that was a bit disappointing. I was really hoping to see the two of them work together. Instead he had a supply and to be honest, she was pretty useless.

He loved O'Canada, their morning songs, story time, circle time...ALL of it. He even did really well when it was time for the kids to go to their desks and colour a picture about a book they had just read. He was trying his hardest to hold the markers and do his work. It was really cute too, because he sits with another boy and a girl at a table. And because A obviously can't glue things on his own, they worked as a team to get things done. These kids were just great with him!

Another nice thing to see was when we would walk down the hall to go to the "big room" where he has his diaper changed. He LOVES it! He loves being in the middle of all the action with the hallway full of other kids. And many of them would say "hi Ashton" as they walked past. Brought a smile to my face for sure.

Recess was heartwarming for me as well. There are a few girls that love to push him around the playground. There is one in particular named Angel and wow, an Angel she is! She talked to him as if he talked back, she would take him to different points in the playground, lock his wheelchair and talk about what they could see or what they were looking at. It is just so great to see kids that accept all other kids for who they are. I swear, it was like she didn't even realize that he couldn't talk back to her. To her, he was just another kid on the playground. She did tell me that she is always helping whoever she can and that she loves to be a big helper. Especially to kids that need help.

It was also pretty neat to watch him in gym class, which I knew was another of his favorites. They played with a parachute and right when he saw it he was super excited. They all stand around it and on top of it is four balls. They try and bounce the opposite colour of what is their teams off.

After gym was library. It was reading day, so the teacher read them a couple of books. Again, his attention to what was going on was AMAZING! I never ever would have guessed that he would pay attention so well at school for anything.

As nice as it was for me to be with him in class and see what he does and how he acts, I would never ever in a million years want that as a job!!!!! I do not understand how his nurse is able to do this two/three days per week to be honest. I did NOTHING for him except his feed. In my opinion after being there, he really truly does not need a nurse by his side at school. However, for some reason the school board thinks opposite and therefore pay an incredible rough $56.10/hour to have her there!!! I did not have to suction once. NOTHING. I sat hidden behind the teachers desk and read magazines.

A Great Ending To March Break

Well March break is officially over! We had an awesome week full of fun, but A sure was excited to head back to school today!

Yesterday I decided to head to the Science Centre in Toronto with A. I found out a couple of days ago that his all time favorite two singers, Bobs & Lolo were going to be there doing a show. I wasn't 100% sure about going initially as it was a first come first serve concert and I really didn't know what to expect being in Toronto and with how busy it might be.

Haha he was too busy watching them and not looking at me taking the picture!

This morning I decided to pack him all up and we headed out. The drive was nice and we got there in just under an hour. Little man wasn't too sure what to think at all but he was excited upon walking into the hall and seeing the stage set up with a Bobs & Lolo background!

Think he is enjoying himself?

Paying very close attention

Cuddles with mommy during a slow song :)



I just love watching him when he watches them. They bring a joy to my boys face that is incredible. They definitely are two amazing women!!! When we got home, guess what we ended up doing? Yep, watching their DVD! hahaha this kid is obsessed! So THANK YOU Bobs & Lolo for all that you do!!!!!!

Today I headed to Hamilton for another appointment with my high risk team. I had my first cervical length measurement done and am so thrilled to say that it was 5.8cms!!!! This is AMAZING! The doctor even told me today that it is enough for almost three pregnant women!

The lady who did my ultrasound (it was transvaginal) was awesome. She took time to show me what she was looking at. It was really odd to look at the baby from that angle, but really cool at the same time because it was a close up of its face!!! Lucky the baby was flipped that way or else I would have seen the sex of the baby, and that is a secret until birth!!! The baby was also doing some sucking motions with its mouth....almost the same as what my little man does at night.

I did have some protein found in my urine, but we will see what shows up next visit and go from there. Today was also the last day of my antiobiotics for my UTI, so hopefully that worked. I will be doing another urine culture the end of this week.

Keep those thoughts, prayers and good wishes coming our way!