Saturday, 10 September 2011

I Have OFFICIALLY Beaten IC!!!!!!!!!!

I am thrilled beyond words to announce that we now have another boy to join our family! Our little miracle cerclage baby arrived on Monday September 5th at 38 weeks 6 days!!!!

The day was absolutely PERFECT and labor and delivery could not have been any better to be honest. I truly feel like my experience was so wonderful to make up for all of the hard times that we have been through.

My mom arrived here at the house to pick up hubby and I at about 7am. I was very surprised because I was not nervous at all and even said to my mom that I was more nervous on the day that we were heading to hospital for me to have my cerclage placed. Hubby was more nervous than me I think, but I think his excitement played into this big time.

We arrived at labour and delivery at 8am and we were immediately placed into the room that I would be in for delivery. I met my two nurses and WOW was I ever impressed. They were incredible with me and very understanding and compassionate. I was very lucky to end up with the two nurses that I had. I honestly believe that my doctor had talked to them prior to me arriving. At 8:45am my amazing doctor came in to break my water. She asked if I wanted to start pitocin as well but I said I wanted to just see what my body would do on its own first and go from there. She was absolutely fine with that.

Off we went to walk the halls to try and bring on the contractions. I really wanted to avoid pitocin if at all possible. However I was told that most times more than one method is needed for a successful induction so I knew it was always a possibility.

I have to say I am glad it was a holiday because the hospital is always deserted on holidays and therefore my walks and dealing with contractions were not on public display. I was relaxed and trying to just enjoy what I could. On our first walk of the halls I had seven contractions. We had to go back to the room to check baby on the half hour, so our walks by the time checks were done, were only about 20 minutes each. Second walk I think I had about 9 contractions. Third walk they were definitely coming on faster and lasting longer. On my check after that, the nurse told me they were still the mild ones and that they would only get stronger. I thought to myself, "how do you know they are mild?!" LOL!!! They were NOT mild and I knew labour was progressing quickly. The next time we went to walk, it just wasn't going to happen. Contractions were pretty much on top of each other.

By 10:30am I was extremely uncomfortable. The nurse asked me at 10:45am if I wanted an epidural and I told her no. She told me that the the anesthesiologist was going to be going in to a c section at 11am and would be at least an hour. That meant if I did want an epidural during that time, I would have to wait. After a few more contractions I decided to just do it so I could rest and be comfortable.

Epidural was placed however I was still feeling the contractions. They were not as intense, but definitely still there. Turns out about an hour later they realized that the pump that the epidural was running through was not working right. After a change of the pump things settled down.

At 1:30pm I was 6cms dilated and a half hour later I was 8cms. By 3pm I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. After just over an hour, I got to lay eyes on my beautiful, full term, healthy baby boy. I cannot even put into words how that moment felt. I had been asked by the nurses if I wanted the NICU team to be there for delivery to check baby over (for my peace of mind) or if I wanted to take the baby straight to my chest. That was a very easy decision for me to make. I wanted to experience everything I never had in the past.

At 4:14pm our beautiful son Lachlan Benjamin entered the world. He came out screaming and pink. He weighed in at 7lbs 11oz (much smaller than we were expecting for sure!) and was 19 inches long. Lachlan was a name that daddy really liked but to be honest it did take me a little while to have it grow on me. I didn't like it at all at first when he mentioned it but really grew to love it.

Benjamin was brought up by hubby as well a couple months ago. I had not really even thought of middle names at all yet for boys. Benjamin is my dads name and was also my grandpas. I of course loved the idea of using his name as our boys middle name because he has been one of our biggest supporters over the years and with the pregnancy of Lachlan.

And how incredible to be wheeled out of labour and delivery holding my new baby in my arms as we are taken to our room TOGETHER!!!!!!! I was really hoping to go home the next day however his bilirubin levels were in the high risk category so we had to wait until the following day to have the blood work redone. Thankfully the next day the levels were down but still in the intermediate risk zone. But we were still allowed to go home. Only TWO short days after giving birth!!! Our little man A was 227 days so this was just amazing for us to experience!

Speaking of little man, he was in the waiting room with everyone else while his baby brother was being born. This was the first pictures of them meeting each other.

Since coming home, A has been doing really well with his baby brother joining this household. Actually much better than I thought he would honestly. He already looks at him when you ask where his brother is and when you ask if he loves his brother, he smiles. I am so excited that he will now have a brother to grow up with!

I am loving every single second of being a mommy to two. It is really a big adjustment, but a wonderful one that I wouldn't change for anything. The toughest part has been the getting up in the middle of the night to feed, but the breastfeeding is again something that I always wanted to experience. The bond that I feel with him is again something that I can't even explain.

I really can't believe how good I feel either. I mean I really honestly don't feel like I just had a baby at all. The first few days my arms and shoulders were VERY sorewhich is a common complaint they said because of holding up your legs and pushing so hard. The only pain now that I have is down below if I walk too much or sit a certain way. This is expected though as I did have severe tearing that required lots and lots of stitching. But for just going through something so huge, I feel AWESOME!

Hubby and I are just totally in love. Lachlan is a definite blessing to our lives and one that we really thought at one time would never happen. Thanks to my main high risk doctor (who is in the picture with us below) our dream of having a healthy full term baby came true. It was definitely not an easy road, but the important thing is that he is here and we did it!!!

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

38 Weeks & Some Exciting News!!!!!!!!

Well, its official! We have a date for this baby to join the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Monday September 5th 2011 I will be getting induced!!!!!!!!!! Yes, labour day!!! haha
I had my regular Monday doctors appointment last week with an ultrasound first. Baby was estimated at 6.9lbs! So hard to believe since that is what A weighed on his first Christmas at the age 6.5 months. I was happy to hear this estimate as baby's growth seems to have slowed compared to what we thought it was going to end up being upon birth. Baby also scored 8/8 on its assessment that they do for breathing on its own and movements....again very exciting!

The doctor never did check my cervix last week or yesterday. The initial plan for yesterdays appointment was to do a stretch and sweep to maybe kick start labor, however I have a pretty bad cold and really did not want to try and get things going feeling this way. I don't think giving birth and meeting your baby for the first time while sick would be much fun at all!

So yesterdays appointment is when we decided on the "plan". And the best part of this plan, besides of course finally getting to hold this little one in my arms?! It is going to be my absolute FAVORITE doctor doing the delivery!!!!!!!!

Monday morning at 6am I will call labor and delivery and will be told what time to come in. She said normally to be ready to leave by 7am to be there for 8am. I think we are going to start with just breaking my water and hoping that contractions will start on their own seeing I am already 4cms dilated. Doctor said we could do that and give it a couple hours to see how things go and if things don't progress they will start the drip of pitocin. Or her other option was to do both at the same time to really get things going. However I am hoping to avoid the pitocin if I can so I will stick with option number one.

She also mentioned that I only have to stay for six hours after delivery and then we can head home. However I do not think I will be comfortable with this at all and plan on staying the one night in hospital.

I can hardly believe that this full term pregnancy journey is almost to an end! I never in a million years thought I would get this far and I feel so blessed! So, looks like 6 days from now we will become the family of FOUR that we have been dreaming about!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, 8 August 2011

Stitch Free!!!!!!

So after 22 weeks and 4 days of having my cerclage, it was removed!!!! I was SUPER nervous about today and really wasn't sure at one point if I would be able to go through with it at all in office. My appointment was at 11:15am and of course I didn't get into the room until an hour after that and then had to wait for the doctor.

She got started pretty much right away and within about five minutes she said "there you go" and it was over. I said "that's it?!" I was so shocked!!!! It was super duper easy....I was definitely one of the lucky ones! After the stitch came out she had to stop some bleeding and that was definitely the most painful and uncomfortable part of the entire ordeal.

I asked if I could keep the cerclage and she was pretty grossed out but I wanted to be able to get a picture of it at least for this baby's scrapbook!!! It is the only reason that we will be able to welcome this baby girl or boy and I am very proud to show it off!!!

After the removal she did check me and I was immediately 4cms dilated. Definitely goes to show that I do in fact have an incompetent cervix and had we not had a cerclage placed this pregnancy we would have lost another little one.

WOO HOO we are into the final few weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 4 August 2011

34 Weeks!!!

Can you friggin believe it!??! I am in my 34th week!!!!!!!!!!!

The past three days have been pretty rough on me. I have been dealing with A LOT of pain and just have not been comfortable. It is very hard to try and do things around here and take care of little man when I can barely move. Thankfully this week he has been in camp so I am able to just lay around and do nothing all day. (Which by the way is VERY hard to do when there are SO many things that I just want to get done!)

So, I am only four short days away from having my cerclage removed. And let me tell you I AM SCARED! If I think about it too much I start feeling very nauseous. I get a lot of questions about when the stitch comes out and how it works with baby being born. No one really knows what will happen. I could end up having the baby that day or I could end up going past due. At this point the cerclage is not doing as much as it was in the past. When a baby is tiny it is very possible for the baby to "fall" through a weak cervix and be born too soon. However at this point baby is bigger and there is less pressure on cervix from baby and as well baby would not be able to "fall" through. I have talked to some women who have gone within 48 hours of having the cerclage out and I know many that went right to 40 weeks.

By Monday I have to let the doctor know if I want to be induced at the end of August and I still have not decided. I really don't think I will last till induction anyways so maybe that is part of my whole difficulty with making a decision. It will be interesting to see how my cervix is after the cerclage is removed! We are in the home stretch!!!!!!!!!!!

We enjoyed some more family time together again this past weekend at the pool.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

A Great Weekend, A Great Appointment & 33 Weeks!

Well it was an awesome weekend for us, especially little man! Saturday grandma and grandpa C came and picked up A and I to head out to my aunt, uncle and cousins house for some swimming and a BBQ. Aunty A, Uncle S also came out which was really nice. We spent a couple of hours in and around the pool and then had a great dinner.

Of course A LOVED the pool, as usual.

Sunday we were up and ready early to head to Toronto so that little man could see The Wiggles in concert. But first we got to meet them all backstage!

So in baby news, I am now 33 weeks!!! I am only FOUR weeks away from giving birth to a TERM baby! I know the end of the pregnancy is just going to fly by and before we know it we are going to have a new little baby here in our home that we will be totally in love with!

I had a long day yesterday for appointments. First was an ultrasound. They were doing another estimate on baby's size and making sure that baby was doing well. The baby is now measuring at an approximate 5lbs 11oz which is the 90th percentile for size. Baby also scored an 8/8 on the assessment which is wonderful. The ultrasound tech did an internal ultrasound even though I told her that they do not do those anymore and didn't do one last time. She told me it was on the sheet so the doctor obviously wanted it done. I was confused but since I have had so many did it anyways. Wowzers! I am STILL very sore/tender from the exam I had a week ago here in town. Turns out when I saw my doctor that they didn't want a cervical measurement because at this point in the pregnancy there is no reason to really do it. We know the stitch is doing its job.

I saw cardiology again as well. Not much new there. They did increase the medication that I am on again as my heart rate is still pretty high. Hopefully we start to see some change in it soon! I was also told that I need to start putting my feet up higher than my heart as much as I can in the day and as well try to sleep like that. I have swelling in my feet and legs which can be pregnancy related, but cardiology wants to be safe as there is always the chance that it is heart related.

Anyhow, I of course ended up seeing a brand new doctor and was a little frustrated because I have not seen the main doctor who knows me best in a while. We talked about the pregnancy and how things are going and then I asked about my stitch removal. She told me that it would be at 37 weeks or later. I told her that I had discussed this with my main doctor and she had spoken a while back about possibly removing it sooner. As well I wanted to be sure that it would be her removing it and I was told it would depend on the day I came in. So of course I get upset. My anxiety has been getting worse and I like plans in place so this all didn't go over well with me. I am VERY nervous about the removal as it is and not knowing who would be taking it out made it that much worse. She went and got my doctor for me.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO we have kind of put plans in place. I will have my cerclage removed on August 8th because she will for sure be there that day. If she is not upstairs, they are to page her to come up and do it. This is only 13 days away!!! I will be 34 weeks 6 days, so a bit early for removal, but she is totally okay with it.

I know that I will most likely be delivering a healthy baby, but with my personal experiences and a lot of my social circle, this is not the case. So with knowing too much it makes it hard for me to be 100% positive about how things will go and how things will turn out. Until that baby is safe in my arms there will always be that small fear. Thankfully my doctor TOTALLY understands WHY I feel this way and wants to try and make things easier for me.

She has put in my birth plan that no interventions are allowed during delivery such as forceps and vacuum extraction. If anything is going wrong I will immediately be given a c section. Usually doctors try everything else first, but she will change that for me.

By my appointment August 8th I need to decide if I want to be induced. This was another suggestion from her, but it is totally my choice. The main reasons for this are so that

1. I can plan childcare for A for the delivery day and the couple days after. She realizes that in having A it isn't going to always be easy to find last minute care for him as I only have so many trach trained people.

2. It reduces my anxiety about possibly not making it to the hospital where I see high risk and having to go here to the hometown hospital. With how fast labor has been for me in the past there is a good chance that I would not make it 40 minutes out of town. This makes me very anxious as the doctor I don't want to EVER deal with could very well be on call. I would rather deliver alone than there with him.

The induction would be at around 38, big decision for me to make!!!! This means baby will be here by the end of August!!!! However with that all being said, there is a possibility that I would not even make it to induction day and end up having baby prior. I have yet to make a choice yet, but will let you know the final decision when I do.

So all in all, we are having a baby soon! It is starting to feel real. It honestly hasn't yet at all because I have been so focused on getting past each day. We are just super excited to finally meet this baby and become a family of four!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, 22 July 2011

32 Weeks, Lion Safari & The Wiggles

So, I am now at 32 weeks and 3 days! So crazy! I can't believe that in less than 53 days we will be welcoming our new baby into our lives. It began to feel very real Tuesday night when I ended up heading into labor and delivery to be seen as I was having a TON of pressure and I was very crampy when standing. I felt at times that the baby was going to actually fall out.

I had called our local hospital and asked the nurse that was on if they would be comfortable just checking a cerclage and she said yes. I told her what was going on and she definitely felt that I needed to be checked. She did tell me that if anything was going on that I would be sent by ambulance to my regular hospital anyways as I am pre term. She did say she thought I should call them and see what they said so I did that too. The nurse there told me it was pretty normal to feel pressure at 32 weeks but I knew that the feelings were NEW and uncomfortable.

I figured since it was already late that we would just head to our local hospital instead of going 45 minutes to the hospital out of town where I see high risk. I did know that the doctor on call was one that I never wanted to deal with when it came to any of my pregnancies (he was actually the whole reason I went with a midwife for A) but figured he would just be checking my cerclage and nothing else so I would suck it up.

We were in and settled by 9:45pm. The nurse was absolutely wonderful with us and knew that with our history we were pretty nervous about what could be going on. As great as it is to be 32 weeks along, we know that the baby is still not officially ready for this world and want him/her to wait as long as they can.

I was placed on a monitor and the little munchkin was crazy in there! This is the second time I have been hooked up to a monitor and it must like it because it then starts to move non stop. The nurse had asked me prior to placing me on the monitor if I was having any contractions and I told her no. Well what do you know, I had five in the 45 minutes I was hooked up! It was so wonderful to lay there and listen to the baby move around, his/her heart rate and feeling them move at once.

Turns out going there wasn't quicker because the doctor ended up doing a surgery and then a c section. It wasn't until 1:30am that he finally came in. By this point I honestly felt a TON better but figured for peace of mind to let him check me. Well, let me tell you it was HORRID. I have had three exams with the cerclage in place by my team and not ONCE did it EVER hurt like that. I was ready to honestly hit him it hurt so bad. It felt like he was ripping my stitch out with his bare hands. I can honestly say that I feel like he violated me. It was totally uncalled for. I would never in a million years let this man touch me again. I would rather give birth alone here at home than to have him deliver my child.

Turns out that all is fine and I was not dilated at all which is a great thing!

It kind of sucks because I have been thinking a lot lately about when I go into labor. With how fast I have gone in the past this is kind of a concern and a 45 minute car ride would be a long way to go while in hard/fast labor. So I had started thinking that MAYBE I would just end up going to Guelph, but the other night just changed my mind. There is no way on earth that I would allow this man to deliver my baby and my luck he would be the one on call. With all that I have been through in the past and with this pregnancy, I want things to go smoothly and I want this to be a wonderful memory, not something horrible and scary. So I just hope that I have enough time to get to the hospital and not have the baby in the vehicle!

I have been having tons of contractions yesterday and today so not too sure what to think of that, but so far obviously the stitch is doing its job, as I hope it continues to do! I see my team again on Monday and I am pretty nervous because this will be the day that we do another growth scan of baby and talk about the stitch removal. We are getting close to the home stretch!!!!!!!!!!

I can tell that the baby is definitely getting bigger as the movements are now getting to be uncomfortable at times. Baby is getting stronger too with those kicks and punches.

The past couple of days I have been having issues again with my breathing and heart rate but I see cardiology again on Monday so we will see if they want to increase my dose of meds again.

Tuesday we headed to the African Lion Safari for a nice family day. We got in for a super price as it was a camp day for kiddos that are part of CNIB. We met a lot of great new people! We all had a great time and think next year we may just have to get season passes as a family!!

Heading out on the boat safari

Train ride time!

The bus safari tour....

Little man riding an elephant with daddy!!!

As you can see we had an AWESOME time!!!

And in some other great news, The Wiggles 20th birthday....

Last Sunday I saw a commercial that The Wiggles were on tour. I had wanted to take A last year but it never worked out. I got onto the website for them and decided to fire off an email to them. After sending it, I was given a message that said that there was a very high volume of emails that The Wiggles received each week (thousands!) and therefore not every email would be replied to, but all would be read at some point. I figured I would never hear from them at all to be honest.

Well less than 24 hours later I received an email from their manager!!!! So what is the exciting news?! She has asked us to come on Sunday prior to the show so that A can meet The Wiggles in person backstage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was soooo excited when I got this email!!! I immediately text hubby and asked him what he thought about going and he said for sure. So Sunday we are off to TO to meet The Wiggles and see them live in concert! I cannot WAIT to see A's reaction!!!!

The Wiggles were the ONLY DVD played during his whole entire ICU stay for his trach. It was on almost 24/7 and just played over and over and over. Heck, we were even able to do an ultrasound of his heart with this video as the nurse danced and sang along. A stayed still for the entire procedure! hahaha

After receiving this email from the manager, this is just another reason that I know there are still wonderful people in this world who want to do what they can to make someone smile. And that she has already done!!!!

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

31 Weeks, Summer Camp & School Drama

Is this not amazing?! I am now 31 weeks 1 day pregnant!!!! I saw my doctor on Monday and they are very pleased to see me get this far. My uterus is now measuring at an incredible 37 weeks so I will have another ultrasound in two weeks to check measurements of baby to see the size. I am going to be completely honest that I am super anxious about how big this baby is going to be at birth. Besides measuring six weeks ahead, things are good and I do not have to go back for two weeks!

In little man news, he has started his first summer camp this summer. He is going to be in four different weekly camps and so far he is LOVING it. Monday was his first day and upon coming home I was told by his respite worker that it wasn't such a great start. A was not being included as he should have been. There was actually a camp counsellor that stood directly in front of him during circle time. When she was asked to move by A's worker, she turned, looked at A, rolled her eyes and did not move. This absolutely breaks my heart to hear things like this. I thank God that A does not understand what this counsellor was doing. Can you imagine how broken his heart would be???? As well, upon leaving the building they were in to go outside, A obviously had to go down the elevator. Well, when they got outside, the group was no where to be seen. They did not wait for A!!!! Thankfully A's worker is VERY good with him and is good at voicing her opinion. She did speak up for A in both situations and is a very good advocate when I am not available to be doing that.

I was so angry I immediately called to speak to the camp director. However being as late as it was I was not able to talk to her until today. This camp is all about being inclusive and I am disgusted that they would have camp counsellors work there that treat children this way. The director told me that she would be speaking to them about what went on, but she honestly didn't sound that concerned. Hopefully things turn around, cause my little man deserves to be treated just like everyone else and have a great time!!!

In some other drama, comes school. Unfortunately it looks like I am up for another fight. I spoke to the principal of his current school (she is new) and she does NOT have the same thoughts that I do at all. She does not think that A should be integrated at all, but rather should be placed in the DD class to focus on his direct needs. I do not agree AT ALL at this point and I will not give in to her belief. A is only six years old. There is absolutely NO reason for him to be placed in a DD class at this point. It is good for him to be around other children and it is good for those kids as well to be around him. I don't like feeling like my decision as a mother is not the right one. I know my child better than anyone else and what I want for him is MY decision.

Another option she had if I absolutely would not consider a DD class was to have him in the split 1/2 class next year. I was getting very frustrated because there is not a chance that A is going to continue going to that school so that is NOT an option. Secondly, why would you put a child that is supposed to be doing SK over again into a grade 1/2 class. I told her that we had met with A's principal and teacher a couple months back and talked all this over. We all agreed that it would be best for A to stay back in SK for September for a few reasons. When I told her this, she told me that she did not agree and that there was no reason for A to stay back. *sigh*

Anyhow, after finally getting my point across that this school was NOT an option, I told her where I would like A to go. She told me that it probably wasn't going to happen and that A should just go to his home school. His home school was the first one that we met with last year and is just not a good option at all for him. They have never had a child like A in the school and most importantly, there is no DD class. We all know eventually that A will need to be in a DD class and I would like the school that he is at to have one for when that move is needed. I was told that I should not and could not plan A's transition this far ahead of time. Pardon?! I sure can. I am his mother and I like to plan things! Why on earth would I want to send him to a school  KNOWING full well that in a couple of years he would have to move to another school that had a DD class for him to attend????????????

She then went on to tell me that she was not sure how the EA situation worked at his home school, but that there would probably be some that are assigned there and then A would get his "allotment" of time for one to one. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that A would get so much time per day of EA one to one support. I told her that was not possible and that A needed a full time EA. I was told that this was my opinion. Again, Pardon???????? When I asked her what A was supposed to do for the rest of the day that he didn't have an just sit there and look at the class, she told me the teachers would never do that to him. And that there would be nothing wrong with wheeling him over to a group of kids and have him watch. Sorry, but teachers do not have the time to focus that much attention on ONE child. Nor is it fair to have A watch kids do things that he should be INCLUDED in.

I am so flipping angry about this all. I am tired of having to fight for what is right for my child. I am tired of having to fight for the RIGHTS of my child. The lady does not know my son AT ALL and yet is talking to me like she knows him best.

I got off the phone with her after about 45 minutes in complete tears. I then spoke to the superintendent of this school about what went on and what was said. Unfortunately with it being summer there really is nothing to be done, so I have to wait to deal with the special needs coordinator and have her advocate to have A moved to the school I want him in.

Lets just all keep our fingers crossed that everything works out the way that I want it to for my little man!