I Have OFFICIALLY Beaten IC!!!!!!!!!!

I am thrilled beyond words to announce that we now have another boy to join our family! Our little miracle cerclage baby arrived on Monday September 5th at 38 weeks 6 days!!!!

The day was absolutely PERFECT and labor and delivery could not have been any better to be honest. I truly feel like my experience was so wonderful to make up for all of the hard times that we have been through.

My mom arrived here at the house to pick up hubby and I at about 7am. I was very surprised because I was not nervous at all and even said to my mom that I was more nervous on the day that we were heading to hospital for me to have my cerclage placed. Hubby was more nervous than me I think, but I think his excitement played into this big time.

We arrived at labour and delivery at 8am and we were immediately placed into the room that I would be in for delivery. I met my two nurses and WOW was I ever impressed. They were incredible with me and very understanding and compassionate. I was very lucky to end up with the two nurses that I had. I honestly believe that my doctor had talked to them prior to me arriving. At 8:45am my amazing doctor came in to break my water. She asked if I wanted to start pitocin as well but I said I wanted to just see what my body would do on its own first and go from there. She was absolutely fine with that.

Off we went to walk the halls to try and bring on the contractions. I really wanted to avoid pitocin if at all possible. However I was told that most times more than one method is needed for a successful induction so I knew it was always a possibility.

I have to say I am glad it was a holiday because the hospital is always deserted on holidays and therefore my walks and dealing with contractions were not on public display. I was relaxed and trying to just enjoy what I could. On our first walk of the halls I had seven contractions. We had to go back to the room to check baby on the half hour, so our walks by the time checks were done, were only about 20 minutes each. Second walk I think I had about 9 contractions. Third walk they were definitely coming on faster and lasting longer. On my check after that, the nurse told me they were still the mild ones and that they would only get stronger. I thought to myself, "how do you know they are mild?!" LOL!!! They were NOT mild and I knew labour was progressing quickly. The next time we went to walk, it just wasn't going to happen. Contractions were pretty much on top of each other.

By 10:30am I was extremely uncomfortable. The nurse asked me at 10:45am if I wanted an epidural and I told her no. She told me that the the anesthesiologist was going to be going in to a c section at 11am and would be at least an hour. That meant if I did want an epidural during that time, I would have to wait. After a few more contractions I decided to just do it so I could rest and be comfortable.

Epidural was placed however I was still feeling the contractions. They were not as intense, but definitely still there. Turns out about an hour later they realized that the pump that the epidural was running through was not working right. After a change of the pump things settled down.

At 1:30pm I was 6cms dilated and a half hour later I was 8cms. By 3pm I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. After just over an hour, I got to lay eyes on my beautiful, full term, healthy baby boy. I cannot even put into words how that moment felt. I had been asked by the nurses if I wanted the NICU team to be there for delivery to check baby over (for my peace of mind) or if I wanted to take the baby straight to my chest. That was a very easy decision for me to make. I wanted to experience everything I never had in the past.

At 4:14pm our beautiful son Lachlan Benjamin entered the world. He came out screaming and pink. He weighed in at 7lbs 11oz (much smaller than we were expecting for sure!) and was 19 inches long. Lachlan was a name that daddy really liked but to be honest it did take me a little while to have it grow on me. I didn't like it at all at first when he mentioned it but really grew to love it.

Benjamin was brought up by hubby as well a couple months ago. I had not really even thought of middle names at all yet for boys. Benjamin is my dads name and was also my grandpas. I of course loved the idea of using his name as our boys middle name because he has been one of our biggest supporters over the years and with the pregnancy of Lachlan.

And how incredible to be wheeled out of labour and delivery holding my new baby in my arms as we are taken to our room TOGETHER!!!!!!! I was really hoping to go home the next day however his bilirubin levels were in the high risk category so we had to wait until the following day to have the blood work redone. Thankfully the next day the levels were down but still in the intermediate risk zone. But we were still allowed to go home. Only TWO short days after giving birth!!! Our little man A was 227 days so this was just amazing for us to experience!

Speaking of little man, he was in the waiting room with everyone else while his baby brother was being born. This was the first pictures of them meeting each other.

Since coming home, A has been doing really well with his baby brother joining this household. Actually much better than I thought he would honestly. He already looks at him when you ask where his brother is and when you ask if he loves his brother, he smiles. I am so excited that he will now have a brother to grow up with!

I am loving every single second of being a mommy to two. It is really a big adjustment, but a wonderful one that I wouldn't change for anything. The toughest part has been the getting up in the middle of the night to feed, but the breastfeeding is again something that I always wanted to experience. The bond that I feel with him is again something that I can't even explain.

I really can't believe how good I feel either. I mean I really honestly don't feel like I just had a baby at all. The first few days my arms and shoulders were VERY sorewhich is a common complaint they said because of holding up your legs and pushing so hard. The only pain now that I have is down below if I walk too much or sit a certain way. This is expected though as I did have severe tearing that required lots and lots of stitching. But for just going through something so huge, I feel AWESOME!

Hubby and I are just totally in love. Lachlan is a definite blessing to our lives and one that we really thought at one time would never happen. Thanks to my main high risk doctor (who is in the picture with us below) our dream of having a healthy full term baby came true. It was definitely not an easy road, but the important thing is that he is here and we did it!!!

Stitch Free!!!!!!

So after 22 weeks and 4 days of having my cerclage, it was removed!!!! I was SUPER nervous about today and really wasn't sure at one point if I would be able to go through with it at all in office. My appointment was at 11:15am and of course I didn't get into the room until an hour after that and then had to wait for the doctor.

She got started pretty much right away and within about five minutes she said "there you go" and it was over. I said "that's it?!" I was so shocked!!!! It was super duper easy....I was definitely one of the lucky ones! After the stitch came out she had to stop some bleeding and that was definitely the most painful and uncomfortable part of the entire ordeal.

I asked if I could keep the cerclage and she was pretty grossed out but I wanted to be able to get a picture of it at least for this baby's scrapbook!!! It is the only reason that we will be able to welcome this baby girl or boy and I am very proud to show it off!!!

After the removal she did check me and I was immediately 4cms dilated. Definitely goes to show that I do in fact have an incompetent cervix and had we not had a cerclage placed this pregnancy we would have lost another little one.

WOO HOO we are into the final few weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!

34 Weeks!!!

Can you friggin believe it!??! I am in my 34th week!!!!!!!!!!!

The past three days have been pretty rough on me. I have been dealing with A LOT of pain and just have not been comfortable. It is very hard to try and do things around here and take care of little man when I can barely move. Thankfully this week he has been in camp so I am able to just lay around and do nothing all day. (Which by the way is VERY hard to do when there are SO many things that I just want to get done!)

So, I am only four short days away from having my cerclage removed. And let me tell you I AM SCARED! If I think about it too much I start feeling very nauseous. I get a lot of questions about when the stitch comes out and how it works with baby being born. No one really knows what will happen. I could end up having the baby that day or I could end up going past due. At this point the cerclage is not doing as much as it was in the past. When a baby is tiny it is very possible for the baby to "fall" through a weak cervix and be born too soon. However at this point baby is bigger and there is less pressure on cervix from baby and as well baby would not be able to "fall" through. I have talked to some women who have gone within 48 hours of having the cerclage out and I know many that went right to 40 weeks.

By Monday I have to let the doctor know if I want to be induced at the end of August and I still have not decided. I really don't think I will last till induction anyways so maybe that is part of my whole difficulty with making a decision. It will be interesting to see how my cervix is after the cerclage is removed! We are in the home stretch!!!!!!!!!!!

We enjoyed some more family time together again this past weekend at the pool.

A Great Weekend, A Great Appointment & 33 Weeks!

Well it was an awesome weekend for us, especially little man! Saturday grandma and grandpa C came and picked up A and I to head out to my aunt, uncle and cousins house for some swimming and a BBQ. Aunty A, Uncle S also came out which was really nice. We spent a couple of hours in and around the pool and then had a great dinner.

Of course A LOVED the pool, as usual.

Sunday we were up and ready early to head to Toronto so that little man could see The Wiggles in concert. But first we got to meet them all backstage!

So in baby news, I am now 33 weeks!!! I am only FOUR weeks away from giving birth to a TERM baby! I know the end of the pregnancy is just going to fly by and before we know it we are going to have a new little baby here in our home that we will be totally in love with!

I had a long day yesterday for appointments. First was an ultrasound. They were doing another estimate on baby's size and making sure that baby was doing well. The baby is now measuring at an approximate 5lbs 11oz which is the 90th percentile for size. Baby also scored an 8/8 on the assessment which is wonderful. The ultrasound tech did an internal ultrasound even though I told her that they do not do those anymore and didn't do one last time. She told me it was on the sheet so the doctor obviously wanted it done. I was confused but since I have had so many did it anyways. Wowzers! I am STILL very sore/tender from the exam I had a week ago here in town. Turns out when I saw my doctor that they didn't want a cervical measurement because at this point in the pregnancy there is no reason to really do it. We know the stitch is doing its job.

I saw cardiology again as well. Not much new there. They did increase the medication that I am on again as my heart rate is still pretty high. Hopefully we start to see some change in it soon! I was also told that I need to start putting my feet up higher than my heart as much as I can in the day and as well try to sleep like that. I have swelling in my feet and legs which can be pregnancy related, but cardiology wants to be safe as there is always the chance that it is heart related.

Anyhow, I of course ended up seeing a brand new doctor and was a little frustrated because I have not seen the main doctor who knows me best in a while. We talked about the pregnancy and how things are going and then I asked about my stitch removal. She told me that it would be at 37 weeks or later. I told her that I had discussed this with my main doctor and she had spoken a while back about possibly removing it sooner. As well I wanted to be sure that it would be her removing it and I was told it would depend on the day I came in. So of course I get upset. My anxiety has been getting worse and I like plans in place so this all didn't go over well with me. I am VERY nervous about the removal as it is and not knowing who would be taking it out made it that much worse. She went and got my doctor for me.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO we have kind of put plans in place. I will have my cerclage removed on August 8th because she will for sure be there that day. If she is not upstairs, they are to page her to come up and do it. This is only 13 days away!!! I will be 34 weeks 6 days, so a bit early for removal, but she is totally okay with it.

I know that I will most likely be delivering a healthy baby, but with my personal experiences and a lot of my social circle, this is not the case. So with knowing too much it makes it hard for me to be 100% positive about how things will go and how things will turn out. Until that baby is safe in my arms there will always be that small fear. Thankfully my doctor TOTALLY understands WHY I feel this way and wants to try and make things easier for me.

She has put in my birth plan that no interventions are allowed during delivery such as forceps and vacuum extraction. If anything is going wrong I will immediately be given a c section. Usually doctors try everything else first, but she will change that for me.

By my appointment August 8th I need to decide if I want to be induced. This was another suggestion from her, but it is totally my choice. The main reasons for this are so that

1. I can plan childcare for A for the delivery day and the couple days after. She realizes that in having A it isn't going to always be easy to find last minute care for him as I only have so many trach trained people.

2. It reduces my anxiety about possibly not making it to the hospital where I see high risk and having to go here to the hometown hospital. With how fast labor has been for me in the past there is a good chance that I would not make it 40 minutes out of town. This makes me very anxious as the doctor I don't want to EVER deal with could very well be on call. I would rather deliver alone than there with him.

The induction would be at around 38 weeks.....so, big decision for me to make!!!! This means baby will be here by the end of August!!!! However with that all being said, there is a possibility that I would not even make it to induction day and end up having baby prior. I have yet to make a choice yet, but will let you know the final decision when I do.

So all in all, we are having a baby soon! It is starting to feel real. It honestly hasn't yet at all because I have been so focused on getting past each day. We are just super excited to finally meet this baby and become a family of four!!!!!!!!!!

26 Weeks and STILL Home!!!

Yep, its true. I am home again! Third time in a row....didn't think I would make it back this many times to be honest. And after my appointment yesterday I am surprised that he LET me come home. Hubby was able to come with me, and its nice to have him there once in a while to be there for me and talk to the doctor as well. I had my ultrasound as usual and this one was taking a bit longer than normal. Since I have had about 14 of them I was getting a bit concerned on why she was taking so long to take the measurement of my cervix. Then she said to me "wow, its a good thing that you have a stitch in there." Immediately I started to worry. Why was she saying this? What WAS the measurement? (Of course she wouldn't tell me this).....UGH it was not a fun time for me. And knowing I would have to wait to see doctor for a good while made it even worse.

So off we go to sit upstairs and wait on the doctor. It was actually probably the quickest I have ever gotten in, which was nice for a change! So anyways, my cervix has gone down yet again. I am down to 1.3mm of cervix left. At this gestation, most women (who are in the 90th percentile) have 5.2mm of cervix. Women in the low end (which would be the 10th percentile) have on average 3.6mm. I have 1.1mm less than what a woman in the 10th percentile in the 40th week has.

SOOOOOOOOOO......................

What does this mean exactly?

Well for one, it is very obvious that I have TRUE incompetent cervix.

Two, if I didn't have a stitch in there right now, this baby would already be here...and probably WAY too soon to even have the chance to survive.

Three, I am so thankful for this cerclage!!!!!!!!

Four, each day that we get to STAY pregnant is a HUGE blessing. Making it to 26 weeks today is absolutely amazing and incredible to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The doctor said that we have somehow made it to where we have...bought lots of time, so now he hopes that I can buy at least three more weeks. A baby born at 29 weeks has a 95 percent survival rate and a 95% chance of being healthy.

Of course we hope that we go past the three weeks, but, like I said earlier, every day is a blessing to us. When you have never ever had a full term baby and have only lived the life of the NICU with a 24 weeker and the life of a premature loss, this is the way you think. I realize that it is hard for others to think this way, but again, unless you have been there, you have NO idea.

Hubby and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a baby at term and come home the next day, but in reality this is probably not going to happen. We know this. We have known this from the beginning. We knew this before we even got pregnant. We are feeling very lucky and blessed to get this far. Our reality is probably going to include the NICU, and we accept that. This is all that matters. That WE as the parents accept it and will take it on.

A Week Post Cerclage

Well I had an unexpected appointment today with my high risk team. I had emailed her on Tuesday as I was concerned that I was leaking fluid of some sort. I have been feeling this it seems on and off since I had my cerclage placed a week ago today. It was not huge amounts, but anything that isn't "normal" to me, concerns me. And seeing that I had the same issue while pregnant with Hunter, this concerned me much more. I had told them back then about my concerns and was told it was probably just urine. That was it. But deep in my heart I knew something was not right. A couple of days later I had a full rupture.

So following my feelings I emailed. She wanted to see me today. It was a family day as A was not in school and J was off work today. I went for ultrasound, and I will tell you it sure is hard to lay there for that long watching the tech do the ultrasound not having a CLUE about what they are seeing and if everything is okay!

After getting all the measurements and such, she turned the screen so I could see the little one. So amazing how things change with these babies so quickly! This picture is only two weeks after the first one and you can see the changes already!

Finally got to see my doctor and I am happy to say that she said the fluid level was "normal." She did say that there is always a chance that the leak is so small that it would be very hard for them to tell, but for now I am going to just continue to be positive and keep praying that this baby WILL come and WILL be a part of our family!!

There is also the chance that during the stitching procedure they stitched into the bladder as it is right beside the uterus, however this would be very rare and within time I would develop an infection.

Since having the cerclage placed a week ago, I have finally settled into it. I was pretty nervous for the first few days after as I was getting A LOT of pain off and on. So bad that I would have to leave the room as I didn't feel comfortable. I also dealt with many episodes of diarrhea, which I believe was from being pumped full of antibiotics during the procedure.

Monday during work I was dealing with some pretty severe back pain. By the time I got home 8 hours later it was horrid. I was almost in tears and just didn't understand WHY it hurt so bad. I mean I had worked three days in a row right before my cerclage and had nothing with my back going on. Then on my first day back after the cerclage, I dealt with this. I thought it was odd. So anyways, I asked her about that and she said that the cerclage pulls on everything inside and therefore that is what is probably causing me the back pain. Right now it is not a huge issue, but it is something I need to be careful with as the pregnancy progresses. Her thought a couple of weeks ago was that I will not be able to work past 18 weeks. So we shall she.

There are still times that I can "feel" the stitch and there are times that it almost takes my breath away. It is the oddest feeling. I have been told by some cerclage mommies that they get "zapping" feelings down below. Hopefully that is something I won't have to experience! haha

Besides these issues, things have been going great. I am still needing to take pills for the nausea as it is pretty severe at night, usually starting at dinner. I take this as a great thing though, as I have never dealt with nausea in my pregnancies.

I will be going back for another appointment in 11 days. It will be at this time that they will start measuring the cervical length and keep a very close eye on that. No complaints....I get to see my baby much more than normal!

We talk to A all the time about him being a big brother. When we ask him if he wants a brother he turns and looks at the picture of Hunter that we have up on the shelf with his urn. It really is cute. How on earth he knew that his brother was there I have NO idea, but hey I love it nonetheless.

So then when we ask him if he wants a sister he just smiles. A sister would be a GREAT thing (mommy is dying to buy PINK PINK PINK!!! hahaha) But I will take ANY healthy baby, no matter what sex they are!

My little man is going to be such a great big brother and I know that the baby will do so much for him as well. With being in school now, he has changed SO much. Just today at the doctor was a good example. In the past when there were small kids around and they would scream/cry, he would get VERY upset. Usually would end in pouting/tears and full out crying. But today there was a young boy screaming away and A would just smile. It was great to see! The teacher tells me that there are still times where A seems to get startled with the kids, but he is coping much better.

His favorite things at school are singing O'Canada, reading books, math time and gym. I am just so proud of him and how far he has come. I never in a million years would have guessed that he would like school. And to see the joy it brings to him just melts my heart! I know he is going to love it come September when he gets to go every single day! And what great timing for a new baby eh? Little man in school all day and a brand new baby here at home....couldn't be more excited for our life of four to start!!!!

Baby On Lockdown!

Well after a long day at the hospital I am home! I was there for 9am but was not called back until just after 10am. I was a nervous wreck to say the least. My stomach issues were acting up and I thought I was going to throw up. My anxiety is bad anyways and then add to it a day like today and it is just over the top.

So I had my IV placed and I have to tell you that never have I had one done so painlessly and well!!! So that was a good start. Finally got taken up to labor and delivery where I met my nurse for the procedure as well as the anesthesiologist. Some tears were shed as my fears increased. And I am glad to tell you that this guy was absolutely fabulous! (I had a HORRIBLE pre op appointment...so bad that I left there crying and no answers/help to anything I would be going through...that is another entire story though.)

He told me that if I wanted a general he would do so but just wanted me to know that there were increased risks being pregnant. I told him how afraid I was on having a spinal done and he promised me that he would walk me through it. As well I told him how I suffer from anxiety and he told me he would help me out and give me something through the IV. Done deal.

So off we go to the operating room.

My nerves once again kicked into high gear. They had me up on the table and were prepping my back for the spinal. My heart rate went up to 155 bpm!!!!! Freezing was placed and it was a burn, burn, burn but I did not feel the spinal being done after that....just pressure. My feet started getting hot and slowly my legs went tingly/numb.

I laid down and anesthesia then gave me a drug to help me relax. I remember thinking that it wasn't working well enough but that's it. When I went into recovery I was kinda shocked to learn I was in there for an hour. It only felt like five minutes!

The recovery was the worst part. Waiting for the spinal to wear off took six hours! The top half went first which then left me with some pretty painful cramping. But thankfully over the hours things got a bit better. I am home now which is just perfect!

This day was MUCH easier than I imagined it would be, that is for sure. And it was made easier and better because I had my mom with me the whole time! :)

Thanks for all the prayers for today.....so far they have worked.

Now we just continue to hope and pray and BELIEVE that this cerclage is going to give us the full term healthy baby that we SO badly want as a part of our family!

Lockdown has begun!!!!

What Is This All About?

Well we are again beginning a new chapter in our lives. We are excited to tell you that we are again pregnant and expecting a new baby!!!!!!!!!!! I am 12 weeks and 1 day right now and tomorrow I am going to be going into hospital to have a cerclage placed. In english, what does this mean? I will be having my cervix stitched.

The high risk team that I deal with does not want me to have another loss so they are trying to do everything they can to help me get this baby to term! A cerclage is used when there is an incompetent cervix. We do not know for sure that this is what I deal with, but with having "A" at 24 weeks and then losing "H" at 18 weeks 4 days there is a very good possibility.

It will not prevent premature rupture (as I had with "H") but we just hope and pray that will not happen again with this pregnancy.

There are risks with the procedure, however the doctors feel that the benefits for me having this done definitely outweigh the risks of doing nothing. We could wait and see, however if my cervix was to shorten and it wasn't found right away then an emergency cerclage has more risks and may not even be doable. So we go with the preventative!

So, I will have my stitching done and pray that all goes well and things continue to go as well as they have been.

I have also been on progesterone since I was 6 weeks pregnant. There are studies that show that progesterone can help prevent preterm labor and loss. As well, progesterone is a very important thing in a healthy pregnancy and there are no risks with taking it and doing any harm.

I have to say though, that this pregnancy has been VERY different than any I have experienced!!! I have been SOOO nauseous. And I mean SOOO bad that I actually had to resort taking medication to help me cope with it. It has truly been a life saver! So I take this as a good sign for this baby!!!

We are SO excited at the thought of possibly having a healthy baby that we can bring home when it is born and not 9 months later. So, throughout the next few months we could definitely use all the prayers that anyone is willing to give to us!



Here is our little squirt (as named by Aunty A) last week!

And just a little reminder, that if you are here on this blog then you are one we have decided to share this news with right now. So please do not post any comments to me on facebook or anywhere "public" until we come totally out of the dark with our news! Thanks all!