25 Weeks and Home Again!

So, I am pleased to say that I am home AGAIN this week! YAY! The change to my cervix was minimal for the second week in a row so the doctor is good with me coming home. I have to admit that every week that passes I get more and more nervous about all of it because of the 45 minute drive that I will have to make WHEN I need to, but I am thrilled to be here with my boys!

I had another ultrasound to check growth of baby again and baby is measuring in at roughly 1 pound 12 ounces which is the 75th percentile. So exciting! My mom was with me and the ultrasound tech was really good and showed us baby moving around. It had its one hand up by its face and was yawning.

I have been having a lot of issues lately with my breathing, which I had mentioned at the last appointment. It is not a constant thing but at least twice a day I have a really hard time breathing and feel like I am not getting enough air. There are times that it is so bad that I cannot even go to sleep at night because I am having to concentrate so hard. So I went for some blood work yesterday after the appointment for a complete blood count, thyroid check and also had an electrocardiogram. If blood work looks fine, then they will look into a few more tests to do next week.

And the most exciting thing today........I am officially ONE week past my milestone......25 weeks today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hubby and I have been talking about how we want to do the room for baby. We are both super excited to be doing "normal" things that we never got to experience before. A's room wasn't done until 9 months AFTER he was born. We are working on clearing out the room this week :)

 

24 Weeks Yesterday and Uncharted Territory Today!!!!!!!!

So yesterday I reached my milestone of 24 weeks!!!!!!!!! It was a nerve racking day as I was seeing my doctor and had my bags all packed and with me as he told me to bring them this time. My cervix has changed every single week and I am happy to say that this is the FIRST time in TEN weeks that there was next to NO change!

The ultrasound tech that I had was GREAT and even went and got Aunty A so she could see the baby. She tried to show us the face but he/she was pushing into the uterine wall. We got to see the little arms, hands, the legs bent up towards his/her chest and the tiny feet. Heart rate was 156. It was INCREDIBLE to see that new life growing inside of me. I just can't wait until the day that I get to see and hold this baby!!!

So what did all this mean??? I am HOME! Yep, because there was next to no change he was okay with sending me home.

I was a bit thrown off at first as I was really expecting to stay, but I told him my fears and thoughts and he told me that anyone who doesn't GET IT is more than welcome to come with me and have a chat with him.

Before I left, I did get my first dose of celestone (steroid) for baby and will be going today to get my second dose. Then I can take another deep breath knowing that baby has the full dose of steroids on board *should* anything happen. However with how great I feel, lets hope not! My next goal is 28 weeks and I am so flippin excited!

I will have another ultrasound on Monday to check size of baby, another cervical measurement and then see doctor again. At least now, if I am admitted I am pretty much prepared.

I will also be doing a gestational diabetes test next week along with a CBC count. I have had issues with breathing the past few weeks off and on so they want to check things out.

So I am home, but I am not doing anything. It is tough, realllllllllly tough for me to sit back and have everyone help around me but I have no choice. The hardest is not doing A's care as I usually do. Its going to take hubby a while to get into the groove of things since he is so used to me doing everything, but he did well last night. He made A's food for the first time which is super exciting for me. It is always nice to have helping hands with things around here. It did take him just over an hour to make the batch, but I told him that over time he will become quicker at it....takes time!

Exciting for me today is the fact that we are officially past my milestone of 24 weeks!! Into uncharted territory now :) Every day that passes I get more and more excited to meet this little one.

Special Olympics

So it was a pretty exciting day. Little man competed in the Special Olympics for the first time. He had his "Team Ashton" behind him all the way!

Daddy, Grandpa, Aunty A, Grandma, Mommy and "A"

He competed in three events. The first was a 50m run, second was hockey and third was an obstacle course. He has a peer helper, who is in grade 6 at his school do each event with him. How awesome is it that these kids are wanting to help out and be a part of such a special day?!

He won a total of four ribbons even though he only competed in three events LOL. Its because mommy missed videotaping the obstacle course the first time so he did it over and got another ribbon for it. You can see his ribbons in the above picture.

There was definitely tears...an emotional day for sure. So wonderful to see my little man participate and do so much as he grows up.

23 Weeks!

So here I am. 23 weeks. Feeling absolutely GREAT with the pregnancy. Trying to enjoy the little parts. The baby moving. The kicks. The flips. On a countdown to 24 weeks, only 7 days to go. I was looking forward to this post, was starting to get more comfortable with being pregnant. With making it another week every week. You could maybe even say "enjoying" the pregnancy! Then yesterday happened.

First I had ultrasound. The tech went and got dad and we got to see baby face on. It is incredibly strange to be looking into the eyes of your unborn child, knowing exactly what they look like at that gestation. This sure is one busy baby!!!!

But in upsetting news,

My cervix has once again shortened. This time, the usual optimistic, nonchalant doctor was concerned. It is obvious that things are just slowly continuing to go downhill. Every single week since having my cerclage placed, I have lost length. It has never stayed stable. In their words, "it looks like we are headed down a path we have already travelled." The tears came. Hubby was with me. Probably a good time for him to be at an appointment as I do not think that he 100% "got it". He does now.

The good thing going for us right now is that we have that stitch in place. We just have to hope that this stitch can hold our sweet baby in for as long as possible!

So, next Tuesday, on the day I celebrate turning 24 weeks, I will get my first steroid shot for baby. Second dose will be 24 hours later. I will also be having another ultrasound and seeing the doctor. He told me to bring my bags, so I am most likely being admitted for the rest of the pregnancy. He said I could pretty much count on it. Again, the tears. Hubby was a bit emotional but said "its a good thing". We both know that this is what will be best for baby. I am supposed to be on bed rest here at home, but that just hasn't been working out too well. Being in the hospital will take away the stress of caring for the house and doing things I just shouldn't be.

If any "good news" can come out of this, doctor told us yesterday that baby is HUGE for this gestation. Actually, in the 97th percentile!!! Here is the thing. When I was in labor with A, they estimated him at 455 grams. That is one pound. When he was born, he weighed 710 grams, 1.9lbs. An average 24 weeker, is 600 grams or 1.4lbs.

This baby yesterday, was already measuring at 668 grams!!!! That is 1.7lbs! An average baby at 23 weeks weighs 501 grams or 1.1lbs.

With all of this being said....

First, I am scared. So scared. I know the life of the NICU all too well. I know the daily fears for a baby that is in the NICU.

I am sad. I was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe this would be a wonderful summer waiting for our healthy full term baby to arrive.

I am anxious. I hate not knowing what to expect. I hate this day by day thing.

I am angry. I have already had one micro preemie. One who has grown into an amazing little man, but with so many issues that I wish I could take away. I am angry as well because I had the strength to try again and lost our second little boy. A little one who we were so excited to meet and love.

I am heartbroken.

BUT,

I

BELIEVE.

I have to believe that this baby will be okay. This is the only way for me to keep my sanity and continue this pregnancy day by day. I have to believe that I will get the steroid shots for baby in time (which A never had the chance to get). I have to believe that this hospital bed rest will help me get as far as I can before welcoming this little one into the world.

And like the doctor said, I myself will feel MUCH better being in hospital. I will be right under their noses. There will be no worry/panic about something happening here at home and having a 45 minute ride to get to the place I need to feel calm and safe.

So, we just keep moving on. Praying and believing is all we can do.

22 Weeks!

Baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

Baby is about 11 inches long and weighs almost one full pound - about the size of a spaghetti squash.

Weight Gain? Still only at 13lbs! When I was at the doctors yesterday I weighed the same as last week! YAY!

Maternity Clothes? Still just wearing maternity pants. Shirts are starting to fit weird so may have to look into a few new tops. Most of my shirts I typically wear are getting too short and just look silly.

Belly button in or out? Still in

Sleep? Getting better. Still no issues falling asleep at all. Up once or twice a night to go to the washroom. In the morning this past week usually been up by 6:30am (yuck!)

Foods I Am Loving? Fruits are still big with this baby....raspberries or strawberries. The other thing I have been LOVING (although not a food) is raspberry lemonade. I had it while out for breakfast with my sister in law and it was to die for!!!!!!!!!! So today I actually just bought some raspberry concentrate and mix one tablespoon into my glass of lemonade and it is good enough for me!!!

Foods I Am Hating? Hmmmm I am doing well now with most foods. Even sausage!

Best Moment This Week? When J felt baby move!!!! It was sooo exciting...had tears in my eyes. He never ever got to feel A, so it was pretty awesome for him and I!

Gender? Still a surprise...we don't want to know.

What I Am Looking Forward To? Two weeks from today!!! Reaching 24 weeks with NO preterm labor issues :)

Emotions? Doing pretty good. Definitely have my moments. I know I am taking things too literal lately sometimes, but that is the joy of pregnancy hormones!!!

Happy Mothers Day!

First, I want to wish my mom a very happy Mothers Day. She is the reason I am here and the reason I am the person I am today. I am truly blessed to have the relationship that I have with my mom, as I know that many don't. She is there for me every single day and in any way that I need her. She is my biggest supporter and the one I turn to. Thanks momma for all you have done!!!! I love you so much and I am so proud to call you my mom.

And to the first little man that made me a mom....

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth!
It's time again for another birth.
Said the Angels to the LORD above,
This Special Child will need much love.
 
His progress may be very slow,
Accomplishments he may not show.
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets down there.
 
He may not run or laugh or play,
His thoughts may seem quite far away,
In many ways he won't adapt,
And he'll be known as handicapped.
 
So let's be careful where he's sent,
We want his life to be content.
Please LORD, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.
 
They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play,
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.
 
And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for their gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild,
Is HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD.
 
 by Edna Massionilla

To the little one I lost, I think of you often and wonder what life would be like with you here. I wonder what you would look like. Wonder what your personality would be like. Wonder how you would be with your brother. We miss you so much.

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it might appear.
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card.
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
Every card you could imagine.

Except I could not fine a card,
From a child who lives in heaven.

She is my mother too, no matter were I reside.
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know,
That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, she dreams with me, we still share laughter too.
Memories are our way of speaking now, could you see what you could do.

My mother she carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth.
I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth.

She needs to be honored, and remembered too.
Just as the children, on earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best.
I have done all I can do, to you I'll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me.
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.

And to the one that will soon make me a mom again. I can't wait to meet you! We are so super excited for you!!!!!!!

21 Weeks!

How baby is growing:

By 21 weeks pregnant, your baby's growth has slowed somewhat, though your baby is still growing and developing at a remarkable pace. Your baby's skin, organs and central nervous system continue to develop and mature.

Though not fully matured, your baby's digestive system is also working at 21 weeks pregnant. The intestines are slowly starting to contract and relax, and your baby is able to swallow and absorb fluids through the amniotic fluid.

Though it seems unusual that your baby swallows amniotic fluid, this actually helps mature the digestive system.

At some point in your pregnancy, you might start noticing that your baby has started hiccuping. Believe it or not, hiccuping in utero is actually quite common. Fetal hiccups typically begin sometime during the second trimester. You may notice hiccups as a small, repetitive and rhythmic movement that occurs for a few minutes at a time in your belly.

You may soon feel like baby is practicing martial arts as its initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to the activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

Baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot.

Weight Gain? Well last week I was at 15lbs, but at my last appointment I actually lost two pounds, so I guess that means 13lbs so far!! :)

Sleep? Going to sleep just fine...waking up at least once to go pee...and waking up pretty early for each day. Once I awake in the morning, there is no going back to sleep.

Best Moment of the Week? I can't say I have had a best moment. Its been a tough week to be honest. I thought reaching and passing 18 weeks was going to be tough, but man oh man this 24 week milestone is really tough! Only three weeks left ...then hopefully I can sigh a breath of relief.

Food Cravings? Nothing particular.

Emotions? They have been all over the place this past week. More so since being placed on modified bed rest. It is really really hard for me to just sit and do nothing when I am used to being on the go all the time. And then having a child like A to care for makes things a tad tougher. To be honest, if A didn't have all the issues he has I would be telling them to admit me now. I think it is the only way that the whole bedrest idea would work. But sadly there are not enough trach trained people to help take care of my little man. I guess only time will tell...........