27 Weeks Yesterday and a Family Update.....

So, here I am only 6 days away from the third trimester...I can hardly believe it! This baby has been SO active the past few days and the kicks/movements are getting stronger. I am loving every second of it!

I saw my doctor on Monday, as usual after my ultrasound and on a bad note, I am now dilated to the stitch. However on the good note, I have the stitch! Right now all that is keeping this baby inside is this amazing stitch that was placed at 12 weeks 2 days. I do have about 1cm of cervix left BELOW the stitch and so far the stitch is still closed tightly. I will not be having anymore trans vaginal ultrasounds (TVUs), but instead will be checked manually by the doctor as there is no point in doing the TVU with no cervix left.

The great thing is, is that I am still home. I am 100% okay with this though as I feel great and I think with having surpassed the 24 week mark by many weeks, my comfort level has just skyrocketed.

As for the two other tests I had done recently, one came back good and one not so good. My three hour gestational diabetes test came back fine which was great....I didn't want to deal with that during the pregnancy at all. As for my EKG that I had two weeks ago, it did come back abnormal. So my doctor had talked to cardiology and they sent me down to have another repeat EKG as well as an echo. To say I was scared is an understatement.

I do not know the exact name of the issue, but it seems that I have an abnormal rhythm of my heart. The cardiologist said that my pacemaker for my heart is not in the usual spot. However, their main concern right now is the shortness of breath that I have been having now for probably the past 6-8 weeks and my heart rate which is higher than it should be. My resting heart rate was 115. So the cardiologist wants me on a medication that will lower my heart rate, but I admit I have not yet started them as I am a bit worried as it will also lower my blood pressure which is already low to begin with. I placed a call yesterday to the nurse practitioner that I saw just so I can ask her about my concern before starting it. Yep, I am a worry wart, but I would rather feel at ease taking the med. Hopefully she will call me back today.

So what is going on with our sweet baby at 27 weeks????

Well, baby weighs about 2 pounds and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

Your baby's reproductive organs are in their proper locations by 27 weeks pregnant. If you're pregnant with a little girl, she is getting ready to be a future mama. Her ovaries now have all the egg-producing follicles that they'll ever make in her life. If you're pregnant with a boy, his testicles have descended into the scrotum. However, for some boy babies, their testes will remain in their pelvic cavity until birth.

And what is going on with our little man?

Well, he is coming to the end of his school year. Just two more weeks and then off for the summer. However I have planned for him to go to four different camps this summer so I am sure he will be happy about that. They are one week each and all have different themes. I figured since he loves school so much that there was no way that he would be able to just hang out here at home for the whole summer. He will have a private contract worker going with him, and I think she is pretty excited too. She has been working with A now for just over a year and she is amazing with him.

We had his birthday party on Sunday.......

A new thing that our little man has started with is a temper. He gets VERY mad and screams. If he is sitting in his wheelchair he also tries to pull on the sides as he screams. My guess is that he has learned this at school as there is a little boy in his class who gets into trouble quite a bit. But who knows, he is also growing as a young boy and I am sure every child goes through stages like this....

He will stop when I tell him that it is enough and that mommy doesn't like it, but it doesn't usually last long. He is using this as well now when he is frustrated and when he wants something specific. The thing is though it is hard to get mad at him because this is also his only way of expressing his feelings. He can't talk and tell us what is wrong or what he wants, so he does this. Some days are definitely worse than others, but we will just continue to tell him that it isn't nice to scream and that we don't like to hear it. The new baby is definitely going to recognize his big brothers voice! hahaha

Happy Birthday!

Wow, I can't believe that it has been six years since I gave birth to my little man!!!!

The past six years have definitely been a ride to say the least. From the beginning of not knowing what to expect, of not knowing whether he would survive through to TODAY, and the amazing child he is!

Our little man has taught us so much in life. Never did we know that six years ago today that our lives would completely change, never to be the same. Never to be what we thought it would be or even dreamed it would be. Would we change it though? NO WAY! We are the parents that we are today because of the child that A is.

Little man is at school today for his birthday, but I know he will have a blast. I wish I could be there to see his face when they sing Happy Birthday to him...he will love it!!!!

All the way from this...........

To this.............

He is amazing eh?!

Happy birthday sweet boy. Mommy and daddy love you more than words could EVER say! We can't wait to watch you continue to grow up and soon be the amazing big brother we know that you will be!!

26 Weeks and STILL Home!!!

Yep, its true. I am home again! Third time in a row....didn't think I would make it back this many times to be honest. And after my appointment yesterday I am surprised that he LET me come home. Hubby was able to come with me, and its nice to have him there once in a while to be there for me and talk to the doctor as well. I had my ultrasound as usual and this one was taking a bit longer than normal. Since I have had about 14 of them I was getting a bit concerned on why she was taking so long to take the measurement of my cervix. Then she said to me "wow, its a good thing that you have a stitch in there." Immediately I started to worry. Why was she saying this? What WAS the measurement? (Of course she wouldn't tell me this).....UGH it was not a fun time for me. And knowing I would have to wait to see doctor for a good while made it even worse.

So off we go to sit upstairs and wait on the doctor. It was actually probably the quickest I have ever gotten in, which was nice for a change! So anyways, my cervix has gone down yet again. I am down to 1.3mm of cervix left. At this gestation, most women (who are in the 90th percentile) have 5.2mm of cervix. Women in the low end (which would be the 10th percentile) have on average 3.6mm. I have 1.1mm less than what a woman in the 10th percentile in the 40th week has.

SOOOOOOOOOO......................

What does this mean exactly?

Well for one, it is very obvious that I have TRUE incompetent cervix.

Two, if I didn't have a stitch in there right now, this baby would already be here...and probably WAY too soon to even have the chance to survive.

Three, I am so thankful for this cerclage!!!!!!!!

Four, each day that we get to STAY pregnant is a HUGE blessing. Making it to 26 weeks today is absolutely amazing and incredible to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The doctor said that we have somehow made it to where we have...bought lots of time, so now he hopes that I can buy at least three more weeks. A baby born at 29 weeks has a 95 percent survival rate and a 95% chance of being healthy.

Of course we hope that we go past the three weeks, but, like I said earlier, every day is a blessing to us. When you have never ever had a full term baby and have only lived the life of the NICU with a 24 weeker and the life of a premature loss, this is the way you think. I realize that it is hard for others to think this way, but again, unless you have been there, you have NO idea.

Hubby and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a baby at term and come home the next day, but in reality this is probably not going to happen. We know this. We have known this from the beginning. We knew this before we even got pregnant. We are feeling very lucky and blessed to get this far. Our reality is probably going to include the NICU, and we accept that. This is all that matters. That WE as the parents accept it and will take it on.

25 Weeks and Home Again!

So, I am pleased to say that I am home AGAIN this week! YAY! The change to my cervix was minimal for the second week in a row so the doctor is good with me coming home. I have to admit that every week that passes I get more and more nervous about all of it because of the 45 minute drive that I will have to make WHEN I need to, but I am thrilled to be here with my boys!

I had another ultrasound to check growth of baby again and baby is measuring in at roughly 1 pound 12 ounces which is the 75th percentile. So exciting! My mom was with me and the ultrasound tech was really good and showed us baby moving around. It had its one hand up by its face and was yawning.

I have been having a lot of issues lately with my breathing, which I had mentioned at the last appointment. It is not a constant thing but at least twice a day I have a really hard time breathing and feel like I am not getting enough air. There are times that it is so bad that I cannot even go to sleep at night because I am having to concentrate so hard. So I went for some blood work yesterday after the appointment for a complete blood count, thyroid check and also had an electrocardiogram. If blood work looks fine, then they will look into a few more tests to do next week.

And the most exciting thing today........I am officially ONE week past my milestone......25 weeks today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hubby and I have been talking about how we want to do the room for baby. We are both super excited to be doing "normal" things that we never got to experience before. A's room wasn't done until 9 months AFTER he was born. We are working on clearing out the room this week :)

 

24 Weeks Yesterday and Uncharted Territory Today!!!!!!!!

So yesterday I reached my milestone of 24 weeks!!!!!!!!! It was a nerve racking day as I was seeing my doctor and had my bags all packed and with me as he told me to bring them this time. My cervix has changed every single week and I am happy to say that this is the FIRST time in TEN weeks that there was next to NO change!

The ultrasound tech that I had was GREAT and even went and got Aunty A so she could see the baby. She tried to show us the face but he/she was pushing into the uterine wall. We got to see the little arms, hands, the legs bent up towards his/her chest and the tiny feet. Heart rate was 156. It was INCREDIBLE to see that new life growing inside of me. I just can't wait until the day that I get to see and hold this baby!!!

So what did all this mean??? I am HOME! Yep, because there was next to no change he was okay with sending me home.

I was a bit thrown off at first as I was really expecting to stay, but I told him my fears and thoughts and he told me that anyone who doesn't GET IT is more than welcome to come with me and have a chat with him.

Before I left, I did get my first dose of celestone (steroid) for baby and will be going today to get my second dose. Then I can take another deep breath knowing that baby has the full dose of steroids on board *should* anything happen. However with how great I feel, lets hope not! My next goal is 28 weeks and I am so flippin excited!

I will have another ultrasound on Monday to check size of baby, another cervical measurement and then see doctor again. At least now, if I am admitted I am pretty much prepared.

I will also be doing a gestational diabetes test next week along with a CBC count. I have had issues with breathing the past few weeks off and on so they want to check things out.

So I am home, but I am not doing anything. It is tough, realllllllllly tough for me to sit back and have everyone help around me but I have no choice. The hardest is not doing A's care as I usually do. Its going to take hubby a while to get into the groove of things since he is so used to me doing everything, but he did well last night. He made A's food for the first time which is super exciting for me. It is always nice to have helping hands with things around here. It did take him just over an hour to make the batch, but I told him that over time he will become quicker at it....takes time!

Exciting for me today is the fact that we are officially past my milestone of 24 weeks!! Into uncharted territory now :) Every day that passes I get more and more excited to meet this little one.

Special Olympics

So it was a pretty exciting day. Little man competed in the Special Olympics for the first time. He had his "Team Ashton" behind him all the way!

Daddy, Grandpa, Aunty A, Grandma, Mommy and "A"

He competed in three events. The first was a 50m run, second was hockey and third was an obstacle course. He has a peer helper, who is in grade 6 at his school do each event with him. How awesome is it that these kids are wanting to help out and be a part of such a special day?!

He won a total of four ribbons even though he only competed in three events LOL. Its because mommy missed videotaping the obstacle course the first time so he did it over and got another ribbon for it. You can see his ribbons in the above picture.

There was definitely tears...an emotional day for sure. So wonderful to see my little man participate and do so much as he grows up.

23 Weeks!

So here I am. 23 weeks. Feeling absolutely GREAT with the pregnancy. Trying to enjoy the little parts. The baby moving. The kicks. The flips. On a countdown to 24 weeks, only 7 days to go. I was looking forward to this post, was starting to get more comfortable with being pregnant. With making it another week every week. You could maybe even say "enjoying" the pregnancy! Then yesterday happened.

First I had ultrasound. The tech went and got dad and we got to see baby face on. It is incredibly strange to be looking into the eyes of your unborn child, knowing exactly what they look like at that gestation. This sure is one busy baby!!!!

But in upsetting news,

My cervix has once again shortened. This time, the usual optimistic, nonchalant doctor was concerned. It is obvious that things are just slowly continuing to go downhill. Every single week since having my cerclage placed, I have lost length. It has never stayed stable. In their words, "it looks like we are headed down a path we have already travelled." The tears came. Hubby was with me. Probably a good time for him to be at an appointment as I do not think that he 100% "got it". He does now.

The good thing going for us right now is that we have that stitch in place. We just have to hope that this stitch can hold our sweet baby in for as long as possible!

So, next Tuesday, on the day I celebrate turning 24 weeks, I will get my first steroid shot for baby. Second dose will be 24 hours later. I will also be having another ultrasound and seeing the doctor. He told me to bring my bags, so I am most likely being admitted for the rest of the pregnancy. He said I could pretty much count on it. Again, the tears. Hubby was a bit emotional but said "its a good thing". We both know that this is what will be best for baby. I am supposed to be on bed rest here at home, but that just hasn't been working out too well. Being in the hospital will take away the stress of caring for the house and doing things I just shouldn't be.

If any "good news" can come out of this, doctor told us yesterday that baby is HUGE for this gestation. Actually, in the 97th percentile!!! Here is the thing. When I was in labor with A, they estimated him at 455 grams. That is one pound. When he was born, he weighed 710 grams, 1.9lbs. An average 24 weeker, is 600 grams or 1.4lbs.

This baby yesterday, was already measuring at 668 grams!!!! That is 1.7lbs! An average baby at 23 weeks weighs 501 grams or 1.1lbs.

With all of this being said....

First, I am scared. So scared. I know the life of the NICU all too well. I know the daily fears for a baby that is in the NICU.

I am sad. I was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe this would be a wonderful summer waiting for our healthy full term baby to arrive.

I am anxious. I hate not knowing what to expect. I hate this day by day thing.

I am angry. I have already had one micro preemie. One who has grown into an amazing little man, but with so many issues that I wish I could take away. I am angry as well because I had the strength to try again and lost our second little boy. A little one who we were so excited to meet and love.

I am heartbroken.

BUT,

I

BELIEVE.

I have to believe that this baby will be okay. This is the only way for me to keep my sanity and continue this pregnancy day by day. I have to believe that I will get the steroid shots for baby in time (which A never had the chance to get). I have to believe that this hospital bed rest will help me get as far as I can before welcoming this little one into the world.

And like the doctor said, I myself will feel MUCH better being in hospital. I will be right under their noses. There will be no worry/panic about something happening here at home and having a 45 minute ride to get to the place I need to feel calm and safe.

So, we just keep moving on. Praying and believing is all we can do.